Watch Out For Meshugineh Pranksters This Year

Welcome to 2019. A year where its apparently normal to try to kill 10 people at a time. Listen Boys and Girls, Ladies and Gentlemen, be safe out there, because while wandering the streets of Orlando this year we may bump into someone like this:

What exactly this guy is thinking I have no idea, but what I do know is that these people are dangerous. So read this carefully:

When walking backwards in Orlando always look behind you on all sides to make sure no one is ready to jump out and trip you.

Listen, its a crazy world out there. So crazy, that they even started selling babies in Bingo:

All I’m saying is, be careful out there this year. Orlando isn’t what it used to be.

Breaking: Private Airport In Orlando Available For Frum Yidden

After Danny spoke with an airport rep and Captain Brent Sloan himself, it was confirmed that Big Toho Airport (BTA) is 100% safe to land in. In fact, Brent says they keep the runway active all year by landing a plane on it once a year.

However, Brent does warn pilots that the best time of the day to land is 3pm. Why? Brent says 3pm is when the cows and goats like to rest on the side of the runway, so chances are the planes won’t crash into them on the way in.

After landing, all passengers must give Brent a tip on the way to a gas station, where passengers can then be picked up and head over to their destinations.

“We were thinking of letting passengers get picked up directly from the airport, but we decided to go to the gas station instead so that everyone can view the beautiful scenery on the way to the gas station,” said Brent.

Brent is hoping that letting Frum Yidden land in their airport will help spread word for his other business called “Big Toho Airboat Rides.”

After looking at reviews of the Airboat rides, we will let everyone decide for themselves if they want to go there on Chol Hamoed:

Founder of Pesach in Orlando Yoily Schwartz was heard saying, “I was there, we had a great time, and I see absolutely no reason why anyone should refrain from going.” He also adds that one of the highlights of the trip is to see and hold the baby alligator. Brent always handles the baby gators with care and respect. Even the bag that they are stuffed in may or may not have holes in it so that the baby gators can breathe.

Pre Pesach Snaps Meeting Review

The Pre- Pesach Snaps meeting went pretty well.

Here is a re-cap of everyone’s most inner thoughts at snaps last night:

Rafi: “Man I can’t wait for that double crunch Shnitzel sandwich on a regular bun, I wonder if I can sue this place for taking so long to get me my food.”

Pearly: “Wow this place is so crowded, just 5 minutes ago there was no one here, now you can’t hear yourself think!”

Rikki: “Guys u would not believe what’s going on by the table behind us.”

Chaya: “I never understood why Tatty always wears his hat to remember Sfira. There have got to be better ways to remember.”

Dovid: “These poppers are way too spicy, we should’ve gone to mikes, I wonder if D’Angelo Russell is gonna be MVP of the all star game?”

Yosef: “Anyone got any veggie straws? Or fries? Or light up squares?”

Naomi: “I guess I’ll just talk to the wall, walls don’t have kids to take care of.”

Danny: “la la la, tra la la, dum da da dum….”

Sara: “Is someone singing?”

Ramen Pho Bowl: “I’m seriously the most random stupid thing on the planet. Whoever made me should be locked up with the key thrown away. No one is even looking at me. Well, why would they? I’m not soup, I’m not meat, and I’m most certainly not an egg. I’ll just be here till I get thrown away, as usual.”

Ex Zabizhaler Chossid Stuart Luboesky Not Coming To Orlando This Year

Head Zabitzaler Chossid Reb Rafi Rabinovich reported earlier today that Stuart Luboesky will NOT be joining us in Orlando this year. These reports come just days after Stuart was heard saying that he was planning on going to Orlando because he loves Yoily so much.

Apparently, he’s changed his mind. Well you know what? So did Rafi. Starting from today, Rafi (future lawyer) will no longer be referring to Stuart as a Zabtzaler chossid.

Yes, Stuart dropped a dime on us all today but we will prevail. As Motti likes to say, “Tell me whachoo want, what you really really want, but I will decide whether or not I will let what you say affect me.”

Yoily and the crew are actively working to try and get Eliyahu Hanavi to take Stuarts place. If that will happen, we don’t know, but what we do know is that there will be Uncle Leibish cake. So we don’t care who’s coming. We’ll just make a shehakol and eat cake. Lots of it.

Who's painting should we bring to Orlando?

According to our Dear Uncle Yoily, this year only one painting will be allowed to hang proudly in Orlando. The question remains: Which painting will it be?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the decision is in our hands now.

[yop_poll id="1"]

Naomi Still Deciding On Chol Hamoed Plans

Quote From Naomi:

“As the name implies, Hollywood Studios is about all things movie-related. The truth is, I’m not sure if I want to go anywhere that is related bichlal to the Tumehdogeh word Movie or Hollywood.”

“On the other hand, rides are very important to me. That’s not to say that Epcot doesn’t have some great rides, because it does. But Lmaysa you can’t compare.”

“Another problem wherever we go is that we have to stare at the chometz in the park on Pesach, and whenever I look at chometz on Pesach I feel like it brings my Ruchnies down 1 or 2 levels.”

“Chol Hamoed should be about one thing and one thing only: Torah and Avodas Hashem! How is going on trips helping with any of those things? The Mitzri’im won!”

Word on the street is that Ari is the real one raitzing Naomi on about feeling bad about going on trips Chol Hamoed, but those reports are unconfirmed, and Ari has declined to comment on the situation.