Danny

People are saying that the famous Joel Schwartz may not be going back to Orlando this year. I am personally very surprised, and I’m trying to think of reasons why he’s not going back.

Could it be because?:

1. He couldn’t find anywhere with a good lake to say Az Yashir.
2. Lunch is nothing without the Gestetners.
3. Politics in the Zabitzal Beis Medrash.

Either way, Stuart Lubowsky is kicking himself in the pants since he really wanted to come this year since missing out in 2019.

But listen, as they say in English: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

And you know what else they say: “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.”

What do these saying have to do with this story? Absolutely nothing, but some might say that these are such good sayings that they don’t need to fit in to make any sense.

Does this make any sense to you? Doesn’t have to. LOL.

Anyways, basically what I’m saying is that Pesach Orlando isn’t going to happen this year unless a miracle happens.

You know what they say about miracles: “Miracles happen everyday, change your perception of what a miracle is and you’ll see them all around you.”

Anyways, Giannis became Jewish. What? He became Jewish??? Yes he did! The problem is that he became so frum, he never takes off his hat.

Not only that, but he is constantly found with a shofar in his mouth. The Milwaukee Bucks are currently looking into the situation at hand.

Inside sources say he became frum because he thought that MVP award stands for Most Valoshiner Player. Valoshin was a place in Europe, so Giannis decided he wants to be like Reb Chaim from Valoshin.

So here’s whats happening. Mrs Gestetner (Aka Mommy) has decided we aren’t coming back for Pesach next year. Now, generally we would be OK with that, because we do respect the fact that Rabbi Cohen really wants Mr Gestetner (Tatty) back in Lakewood one year, but there’s one problem:

How could we miss out on Yoilys new Pesach program, “Vanitzack Koeileh”?

Wait! I didn’t know Yoily was making a program?! Well now you know. Reports are that Yoily is afraid to confront Mrs Gestetner to ask her if she wants to come since she has already been overheard saying she isn’t going back to Orlando unless Sruly Williger is there.

Yoily is planning on hiring some entertainment, and has been fiddling with the idea of Eliyahu Hanavi, Makom Shein Ish, and maybe even Stuart Lubowsky. So far nothing has been confirmed yet.

Where is this program taking place? Who knows. Not me. Even Yoily doesn’t know. But he will make sure that there is plenty of lunch, and there needs to be a lake in the area since we need a place to say Az Yashir.

Rafi Hakoen was sleeping on the couch but he recently woke up. Legend has it he does this every bein hazmanim but reports have never been confirmed.

Also Ari and Avrumi are staying in Windsor today because they need a bathroom close by.

We will keep you posted with the latest updates.

“And this years song of the year award goes to…………”

Welcome to 2019. A year where its apparently normal to try to kill 10 people at a time. Listen Boys and Girls, Ladies and Gentlemen, be safe out there, because while wandering the streets of Orlando this year we may bump into someone like this:

What exactly this guy is thinking I have no idea, but what I do know is that these people are dangerous. So read this carefully:

When walking backwards in Orlando always look behind you on all sides to make sure no one is ready to jump out and trip you.

Listen, its a crazy world out there. So crazy, that they even started selling babies in Bingo:

All I’m saying is, be careful out there this year. Orlando isn’t what it used to be.

After Danny spoke with an airport rep and Captain Brent Sloan himself, it was confirmed that Big Toho Airport (BTA) is 100% safe to land in. In fact, Brent says they keep the runway active all year by landing a plane on it once a year.

However, Brent does warn pilots that the best time of the day to land is 3pm. Why? Brent says 3pm is when the cows and goats like to rest on the side of the runway, so chances are the planes won’t crash into them on the way in.

After landing, all passengers must give Brent a tip on the way to a gas station, where passengers can then be picked up and head over to their destinations.

“We were thinking of letting passengers get picked up directly from the airport, but we decided to go to the gas station instead so that everyone can view the beautiful scenery on the way to the gas station,” said Brent.

Brent is hoping that letting Frum Yidden land in their airport will help spread word for his other business called “Big Toho Airboat Rides.”

After looking at reviews of the Airboat rides, we will let everyone decide for themselves if they want to go there on Chol Hamoed:

Founder of Pesach in Orlando Yoily Schwartz was heard saying, “I was there, we had a great time, and I see absolutely no reason why anyone should refrain from going.” He also adds that one of the highlights of the trip is to see and hold the baby alligator. Brent always handles the baby gators with care and respect. Even the bag that they are stuffed in may or may not have holes in it so that the baby gators can breathe.

The Pre- Pesach Snaps meeting went pretty well.

Here is a re-cap of everyone’s most inner thoughts at snaps last night:

Rafi: “Man I can’t wait for that double crunch Shnitzel sandwich on a regular bun, I wonder if I can sue this place for taking so long to get me my food.”

Pearly: “Wow this place is so crowded, just 5 minutes ago there was no one here, now you can’t hear yourself think!”

Rikki: “Guys u would not believe what’s going on by the table behind us.”

Chaya: “I never understood why Tatty always wears his hat to remember Sfira. There have got to be better ways to remember.”

Dovid: “These poppers are way too spicy, we should’ve gone to mikes, I wonder if D’Angelo Russell is gonna be MVP of the all star game?”

Yosef: “Anyone got any veggie straws? Or fries? Or light up squares?”

Naomi: “I guess I’ll just talk to the wall, walls don’t have kids to take care of.”

Danny: “la la la, tra la la, dum da da dum….”

Sara: “Is someone singing?”

Ramen Pho Bowl: “I’m seriously the most random stupid thing on the planet. Whoever made me should be locked up with the key thrown away. No one is even looking at me. Well, why would they? I’m not soup, I’m not meat, and I’m most certainly not an egg. I’ll just be here till I get thrown away, as usual.”